Understanding Domestic Violence and Abuse in Relationships: Signs, Types, and Recovery

Introduction

Domestic violence and abuse remain urgent public health and human rights concerns. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Abuse does not always leave visible bruises; it can manifest in many forms—emotional, financial, sexual, verbal, or coercive control.

Recognizing the warning signs is the first step in protecting safety and well-being. For counselors, survivors, and communities, understanding the many layers of domestic violence allows us to respond with compassion, clarity, and action.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse includes any intentional act that causes bodily harm. This ranges from hitting, slapping, and choking to more subtle forms like restraining, pushing, or blocking a partner’s exit during conflict.

Examples: A partner slaps their spouse during an argument, or grabs their arm tightly to instill fear. In more severe cases, weapons may be used. Physical abuse often escalates over time, starting with “minor” incidents that gradually become more dangerous.

Impact: Survivors may experience chronic injuries, fear of leaving, and trauma responses such as hypervigilance. Counselors often see clients struggling with PTSD symptoms, including flashbacks and anxiety. Recognizing these early signs can help prevent escalation and save lives.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is the use of words to demean, belittle, or control. Unlike occasional unkind remarks, verbal abuse is a sustained pattern meant to break down self-worth.

Examples: A partner calls their spouse degrading names, mocks them in public, or repeatedly criticizes their intelligence or appearance. Sarcasm, threats, and yelling are common tactics. Over time, victims may internalize these messages, leading to shame, depression, and feelings of worthlessness.

Impact: Survivors often describe “walking on eggshells,” anticipating verbal attacks. This form of abuse leaves deep psychological scars, even when no physical violence occurs. Counseling can help clients rebuild self-esteem and recognize that abusive words are not truths.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Emotional abuse involves manipulation designed to undermine a partner’s sense of reality and independence. This can include gaslighting, isolation, threats, or constant monitoring.

Examples: A partner convinces their spouse they are “crazy” for questioning harmful behavior, prevents them from seeing friends or family, or monitors their phone messages to exert control.

Impact: Survivors often doubt their own judgment and feel trapped. Anxiety, depression, and loss of identity are common. Counselors can play a critical role by validating survivors’ experiences and helping them untangle the psychological effects of manipulation.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse occurs when one partner forces or manipulates the other into sexual acts without consent. It can also include reproductive coercion, such as tampering with birth control or pressuring pregnancy decisions.

Examples: A partner demands sex after being told “no,” coerces intimacy in exchange for safety, or pressures their spouse to perform acts that make them uncomfortable. Sexual abuse can happen in any relationship, including marriages—consent is required every time.

Impact: Survivors often face shame, guilt, and trauma symptoms such as flashbacks or avoidance of intimacy. Counseling provides a safe space to process these experiences and reclaim autonomy over one’s body and boundaries.

Financial Abuse

Financial abuse is one of the most common yet least recognized forms of control. It occurs when one partner restricts the other’s access to money or resources, creating dependency.

Examples: A spouse prevents their partner from working, controls all bank accounts, demands receipts for every purchase, or withholds money for basic needs like food or healthcare. Some perpetrators sabotage job opportunities by hiding car keys or interfering with work responsibilities.

Impact: Financial abuse traps survivors, making it harder to leave. Many stay in dangerous relationships simply because they lack the resources to survive independently. Counselors can connect survivors with financial literacy programs and advocacy services to rebuild autonomy.

Coercion and Exploitation

Coercion and exploitation involve using pressure, threats, or manipulation to gain compliance. This can overlap with other abuse types but focuses on stripping away a partner’s agency.

Examples: A partner threatens to harm themselves if their spouse leaves, pressures them to commit illegal acts, or exploits their vulnerabilities (such as immigration status or disability). Coercion can also take the form of constant ultimatums: “If you loved me, you would…”

Impact: Survivors often feel trapped by guilt, fear, or obligation. Counseling helps them recognize coercive tactics, set boundaries, and create safety plans for exiting the cycle of control.

Using Pets or Children to Control and Emotionally Blackmail Victims

Abusers often use the people and beings their partner loves most—children and pets—as weapons of control. This form of abuse leverages emotional bonds to instill fear, compliance, and silence.

Examples: An abusive partner may threaten to take away or harm children if their spouse attempts to leave. They may manipulate custody arrangements, tell children lies to turn them against the other parent, or use visitation as a way to maintain control. Similarly, pets are frequently targeted—abusers may threaten to hurt or neglect a beloved dog or cat to force compliance. Research shows that survivors often delay leaving abusive situations out of fear for their children’s or pets’ safety.

Impact: This abuse cuts deeply because it attacks the survivor’s identity as a caregiver and protector. Survivors often feel trapped, believing that leaving may put their children or pets in greater danger. In counseling, it is important to validate this fear and provide resources such as pet-friendly shelters, child advocacy centers, and legal protections to safeguard family members—human and animal alike.

Technology-Enabled Abuse and Stalking

In today’s digital age, abusers increasingly use technology to monitor, control, and stalk their partners. This form of abuse can continue even after a survivor leaves the relationship, making it especially invasive and persistent.

Examples: Abusers may install spyware on phones, track a partner’s location using GPS, or demand access to social media accounts and passwords. They may send threatening texts or emails, bombard the survivor with harassing calls, or impersonate them online to damage reputations. Even “smart home” devices and security cameras can be weaponized to monitor or intimidate.

Impact: Technology-enabled abuse creates a sense of constant surveillance, leaving survivors feeling they can never truly escape. Many describe feeling unsafe not only in their own homes but also online, at work, or in social settings. Counselors can help by validating this form of abuse as real and harmful, while also connecting survivors with resources for digital safety planning—such as changing passwords, securing devices, and working with legal services to document harassment.

Statistics That Highlight the Crisis

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced physical violence by a partner.

• 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by intimate partner violence.

• More than 20,000 calls per day are made to domestic violence hotlines in the U.S.

• Children exposed to domestic violence are at higher risk for PTSD, depression, and repeating cycles of abuse in adulthood.

These numbers underscore the scale of the issue—and the urgent need for awareness and intervention.

How Counseling Can Help Survivors of Domestic Violence

Counseling offers a lifeline for survivors, helping them reclaim power and safety.

• Validation and support: Many survivors have been told their experiences “aren’t real.” Counseling provides a safe space to be believed.

• Safety planning: Counselors help create practical strategies for leaving dangerous situations.

• Healing trauma: Therapeutic approaches like EMDR, CBT, and trauma-informed care address PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

• Empowerment: Counseling helps survivors rebuild confidence, self-worth, and independence.

• Education and resources: Counselors connect survivors to shelters, financial support, and legal advocacy.

Resources for Survivors

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, support is available:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

• Local women’s shelters and advocacy centers (search by county or state)

• Legal Aid Services for protective orders and custody support

Conclusion

Domestic violence takes many forms—physical, verbal, sexual, emotional, financial, coercive—and none of them should be minimized. Recognizing the signs can save lives. Survivors deserve safety, healing, and empowerment, and counseling provides critical support in this process.

At Wellness Solutions, we are committed to trauma-informed, feminist counseling that prioritizes safety, well-being, and dignity. Whether you are a survivor seeking support or a loved one looking for guidance, know that help is here.

✅ If you are ready to take the next step toward healing, reach out today to schedule a confidential telehealth counseling appointment. You don’t have to face this alone.